God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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