You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
