I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
