in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
