hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
