Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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