You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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