You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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