I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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