He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
