I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i out mim tonsoeep
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
