One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
