You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
