If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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