It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
