There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
