I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
