I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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