Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
