in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
