I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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