Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
