I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
