The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
