he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
