Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
