if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
