I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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