pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
