We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
