I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
