I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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