you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
