Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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