He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
