3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
