Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
