i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
