i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
