I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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