I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
