he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
