You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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