dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
