***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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