Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
