Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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