I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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