I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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