You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
