he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
