why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
