i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
