That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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