that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
