i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
