just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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