I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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